[STORY] MY SPIRITUAL WIFE (Episode 24)

Episode 24.

I stared at my phone a bit longer, then held the power button to turn it off completely.
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I was already wracking my head on how we’ll make it home that night (abi that morning). I needed to ensure that Jasmine was safely in a conveyance home, before I found myself one. At this time of the night (abi morning), it was usually very difficult to get either a bike or a “keke napep”.
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I tapped Jasmine and whispered, “It’s time to go home.”
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A lady waking up from sleep had never looked more beautiful. Jasmine smiled, the moment her eyelid made way for sight; to behold my smiling gaze. Jasmine appeared to be glad to see me. She reached forward again to plant me a kiss. Jasmine’s supposed terrible breath smelled like musk on my messed up nose.

Every sensory organ was a fan.
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Jasmine was dressed in five minutes and we were out in ten.
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My mind had strayed momentarily as I walked towards the gate. I was calculating; wondering how I was going to pull off the “almost impossible” when the honk of a car snapped me back to self-awareness.

Instinctively, I turned around, hoping to shield Jasmine from the approaching car, only to realize that I’d been walking by myself the whole time.
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“Are you coming in or what?” Jasmine cooed.

Apparently, this fine somebody showed up in a “whip”.
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I had to have been too lost in my head not to have noticed that Jasmine was no longer walking beside me. And I certainly had to have been too distracted by her “presence”, not to have noticed a car key the entire night.
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I hopped into the car and in less than fifteen minutes, Jasmine was pulling up in front of my gate.
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I called Sam (my neighbor and best friend) to come over and open the gate for me.

Jasmine drove off immediately afterwards.
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“Guy, where you go since na?” Sam asked, amidst being furious, worried and scared all at the same time.

“Omoh, I go play you the tape for morning, right now mehn, na my bed get me o.”

“Bed ke! Your babe don dey here since dey wait for you fa. I don call your number tire with her phone as my own kukuma don die but…”

“WHAT? Wait! Guy, who be my babe?”

“Which kain mumu question be that one? Janet na.”

“Huh? You mean say Janet dey this compound like this?”

“Yes na. Na wetin I dey try tell you be that.”

“Where she dey like this? I asked, very confused.

“She dey my room.”

“She dey sleep?”

“Sleep ke. Her eyes just dey, dey shine like thief man touch o.”
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At this point, I didn’t need anyone to tell me before I knew that I was already in a very big trouble. I just didn’t know what kind at the time.
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“Ha! Where you tell am say I go?”

“I tell her say one of our guy dey for hospital and you been go check am. I tell her say you suppose don show since, so me sef dey very worried right now as I no know wetin come dey hold you for there.”

“Did she buy your story?”

“Omoh! I no know o. She been just dey do like say she no even dey listen to wetin I dey talk sef. But wait, guy! Shey you tell me say she been dey ask for your spare key the other time, you no come give her?”

“No be only give her. So you want make I give her my spare key so she go fit dey drop in on me unannounced, like she don do like this, abi?”
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I walked past Sam, unsure of what my explanation was going to be. One thing I knew for a fact was that Sam had surely done a great job by giving me a story to build upon. I just hope Janet buys this one.
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I met Janet sitting down on Sam’s reading chair, with her legs crossed and arms folded. Her stares were scarily piercing. She carried a straight face. There was no cracking this. We’d just locked eyes for seconds and I’d already lost count on the numbers of scans her eyes had run through my body, from head to toe.
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Janet got up and walked right past me without a single word. I knew immediately that this had trouble written all over it. I immediately went out after her.
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Janet led me to my doorstep. I didn’t wait to be told once we halted in front of my door. I knew what to do from hereon. I unlocked the door and threw it open for Janet to go inside. She did. I followed right after. The moment I returned my gaze from having locked the door once we were inside, a resounding slap found me.
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For about five seconds, all I saw were “stars” and “lightning”.

I know I’d messed up. I know Janet was pissed. But I didn’t know what exactly she was pissed over. I didn’t know if she had just reacted in this manner because of how scared I’d made her or because she didn’t buy Sam’s story and assumed something entirely different had happened.

Because I didn’t know what was playing in Janet’s head and certainly didn’t want to be that person who shot himself in the foot, I attempted to play the “I understand how you feel” card but before I even completed that thought, Janet dropped the bombshell on me…

“You were with that tramp, weren’t you?”
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Okay, now I am as shocked as I was confused. But even though I might have an idea what she was talking about, there was no way in Hell I was going to let her know that I did.
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“Baby, what are you talking about?” I asked, trying as best as possible to fake being lost; trying as best as possible to fake being calm and not taking the slap to heart.

“Paul! YOU WON’T EVEN DARE!” Janet sounded a warning.
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I was dumbfounded. I’d never in my wildest of imaginations anticipated an attack like this, from Janet. This element of surprise had caught me off guard, but I wasn’t going to give up without a fight.
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“What exactly are you talking about baby and what was the meaning of that (referring to the slap)? I know I should have called to tell you I was going to see Kenneth at the hospital, but you shouldn’t just jump to conclusions as to why I didn’t. You should wait to at least hear how my battery had died and how I’d had to plug the phone in a different ward and how the phone had come back on, on its own, hence, the reason Sam was able to reach me even when I wasn’t close to my phone to pick it up…”

Another resounding slap hit me. This one was harder than the first. It was deafening. It got me realizing that I’d probably been talking too much, but I was still not ready to give up this fight.
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“Baby, I know I got you worried, and for that, I am honestly very sorry. I should have at least left you a message…”

“PAUL!” Janet called out sternly.

“Ma…Ye…Yes, baby”. I answered confusingly; stammering.

“You were with Jasmine the entire time weren’t you?”
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To be continued… . . 

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