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Episode 32.

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Me: warn yourself oh! no just try am.

Victory: ah ah! person nofit joke with you? the babe fine sha..

Me: no use her for the joke, the babe fine no be sha…

We came out of the street connecting the Anglican church attached to a very big building that looks like the owner is no longer staying in Nkpor.

We took keke napep at the gate, my brother and I decided to pay our transport fare from our pockets. A lady with a baby was already in the keke when we entered, I didn’t know how come.

But I decided to call Sandra, suddenly it rang I was so happy. I called thrice but she refused to pick, I decided to type a message.

“w€tin I do you? you know am falling for you, ever since you left my house I couldn’t reach you. What is going on”

after I finished typing the message I sent it. My brother and the woman were gisting, I kept quiet and listened to the topic of their gist.

Victory: this your baby nodey cry oh.

Lady: em dey cry na, na the breeze dey make am sleep like this.

Victory: everywhere hot, all those children wey dey cry well well na because of heat.

Lady: drop me here, I wan come down.

The driver of the keke stopped just at the front of a filling station and the woman came down from the keke napep, she walked over to the driver’s seat side to pay.

Driver: madam, this money too big na, where you want my get this change?

Lady: I dey pay for those two boys too.

I happy I swear, I don dey deduct the one thousand naira from my pocket.

Me: madam, thank you oh!

Victory: thank you.

Lady: no problem.

Victory: why you first me thank her?

Me: you never carry first position for school before na.

The lady walked away while the Keke moved, the road was so bad that I have to use my hanky to cover my nose. Very dusty, police officers still dey even collect money from the keke drivers.

I pity them I swear, lots of keke are plying that route and passengers are not that much yet they are still paying needless tax after paying for loading.

We dropped at St. John’s and we came down, and started walking towards the express way.

Me: we go waka go the supermarket?

Victory: yes, em no far.

We turned to our right and walked on the side walk by the express, just then I sighted a girl ahead of us.
She plaited the same hairs Soapy plaited the last time I saw her, I quicken my pace because someone was blocking her from behind. My intuition was anticipating.

Victory: why you dey rush?!

Me: I don see Sandra.

Victory: who be Sandra?

Me: Soapy *I hiss*

Victory: oh! she get better name sef.

I eyed him and hissed, the more I walk faster the more she looked like Sandra.
She turned to the road to cross, I quickly ran towards her before she could cross and grabbed her hand.

She turned and I was stunned, she looked like Sandra but not her, did she have a twin!?

Girl: hello, how may I help you?

Me: am very sorry, you look like Sandra.

Girl: *squeeze her face* who is Sandra?

Me: never mind, you are a pretty girl. Am sorry for disturbing you once again.

Girl: no problem *she beam*

She come cat-walk pass the road, gosh! why she resemble Sandra so much. The thing still surprise me, abi Sandra no be Soapy name? Too many thoughts just dey razzle my mind.
My brother walked to were I was standing laughing.

Victory: mad man!! You get luck say she no slap you.


Me: slap me? say w€tin I do?

Victory: put this one as testimony.

I hissed and crossed the road, he followed and led the way. Just some feet away was the supermarket, a keke man and one of their security were struggling for something, I came closer.

Security man: we don warn you, make you nodey stop for here. I must seize this key.

Keke man: taarrh! who you be? nothing dey happen, none of ona fit challenge.

Victory: rugged you.

Me: no be joke oh! make we go buy w€tin we come here for.

As we climbed the stairs, I started feeling strange and the thought of Soapy came again. Stronger than ever, what is happening? I asked myself.


the electric door opened….
I was hoping to find Sandra in the supermarket, I quickly scanned the place with my eyes. The security man told us to move further, and we did.

‘Cause we just dey stand there like mumu, we no want disgrace ourselves. We asked one of the sales girl to tell us were we can get a carton of indomie, and she pointed towards a role without saying a word, we walked there by ourselves and lifted one after checking the price.

We walked to the cashier section and choose to enter the line that has the cutest cashier, her beauty na no brainer. You know say ugly people na one of Nigeria economy, now you know. I dey avoid those people ehnn.. If them handle you, it will be very ugly.

She smiled and showed us her white thirty two, I grinned because na me dey front.

Cashier: you guys look alike.

Me: he tried to steal my handsomeness.

Cashier: *smile* who tell you say you handsome?

I dropped the carton of the indomie on the counter, I repeat we were under a siege. Roger! do you copy?! the other cashiers that their beauty is nothing to write about were glaring at us.

Me: I just guess, oya tell me if I no fine?

Cashier: *she wink* you fine small sha.. make your head no big oh.

My brother was busy pinching my buttocks, ordinarily I for take the money wey dey for my brother hand add am with my own pay for the indomie. I decided not to fall my hands and brought out the whole money and paid, she gave me the receipt.

Me: I be born again, I no go allow am enter my head. *I wink at her*

I promise myself I go be regular there ’cause of that babe, please employ fine girls with sense in your work-places to get customers. Don’t say I didn’t tell you, I come pity my brother ehnn… em just dey like Jesus disciple eyaa!! Fowl without wings he followed behind as we bounced out of the supermarket.

Victory: no try this thing again oh, because thunder wey dey period go just scatter you.

Me: na wa oh! take am easy na, see the way you dey pala like somebody wey wan go war.

Victory: you insult me inside there, fine nigga like me.

Me: you suppose understand na, no wam.. Oya cut fifty naira from the money you suppose add.

Victory: only?

Me: no worry na me go carry the carton go house.

Victory: na now you come.

We crossed the road and headed to were we can get keke napep, the loading place is opposite a gigantic Anglican Church.
around St. John’s, we boarded keke napep and we were driven home by a bloody nigga.

Agbero: you don pay your thirty naira?

Keke driver: for w€tin?

Agbero: stone, you go pay today oh!

Keke: for w€tin?! adjust my pass or you wan browse enter hospital.

He pushed his hands away from his keke napep and started it, he drove out and my mind settled. I think say all those agbero na I nodey gree I nodey gree.

We drove past town hall, a huge statue of a hunter was built at the centre in memory of somebody. I looked around the keke and saw di-cks all over, I hissed. Satan go just dey surprise person with plenty amu everywhere you go, and yet them go talk say girls plenty pass boys.


The person wey talk that thing need to acquire new sense because the old one don expire, we came down at the keke stop in front of the church gate.

We trekked the other distance passing the Church Omega Ministry were Elizabeth’s mother shop is. Lizzy na fair slim fit girl sha… I nofit reason girl wey no full for front and back.
The girl call my brother em come branch, I look come sight Favour dey come from the street wey dey for North ’cause there na meeting points of three streets.
I hasten my steps and dodged her, I swear. That babe no go get re-match, why slim girls toto always big pass fat and chubby girls own?

No yansh and no big bre-asts, is a no no for rematch but if there is emergency down there. I no go waste time give am re-match with spoon style. I go explain later, I carried the carton of indomie and ran away making sure the babe won’t see me at all.

As I dey approach our gate I come check time em don pass 12pm, chaii! I come dey see myself like mumu. I no even get her number, wait make I go there house go check am or make I just wait till she come. I just dey reason when Favour her little sister came out of the compound.

Favour: good afternoon, brother.

Me: chaii!! fine girl, your aunty dey house?

Favour: yes.

Me: help me go call am.

Favour: no!!

chaii! w€tin be this girl wahala sef, I decided to use what you have to get what you want method.

Me: take go buy something *I give her 100naira*

Favour: thank you, I go call her. Make I go buy something first.

I was in a happy mood, more pu-ssies to my life. I opened the gate and met face to face Oniobong
who was about stepping out of the gate.
I swear, Favour go return my money.

To Be Continued….. . . .

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