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Episode 30.

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Gosh… I tried her lines over and over again, I was so disturbed and unhappy when the auto answering machine was repeating switch off everytime.
I sighed and kept my phone inside the room out of frustration, w€tin dey happen I asked myself.

I nofit even fit eat well, different thoughts was going on in my head. Did Sandra actually blacklisted my number, but she can’t na… She say I fu-cked her like no one has done to her before. I used my brother’s phone and called her it was same response, I no know say I get feelings for Soapy. Or na her pu-ssy?

I needed distraction, it was towards evening and PHCN no even remember say we need light at all, water come finish for tank and the person that has to filled the tank with his generator was giving us stories for the gods, and to your tents oh buckets, all roads led to the gate if you need water.

I couldn’t think straight and my battery wan die sef, my brother come say make we go charge. We carry extension with our charges and phone waka dey go look for barbing salon, one good thing about the Nkpor be say no thief… If not ehnn.. With the darkness”>darkness cover and the behaviour of PHCN, robbery would have occcured frequently without iota of fear.

We reach one barbing salon like that close to the Anglican church and one magnificent building that I don’t think anyone lives there, when we reach the barbing salon extensions wey them don already plug just dey tell us say we don come.

I come see one fine girl, she wore a vex. All those their sleeping vex and flimsy baggy, I bet say the babe get big yansh, and when she got up forming sad face, the babe fair come legit.

Me: your phone nodey charge?

Fine girl: yes oh, I no know w€tin do my charge.

Me: use my own first.

I gave her my charge while my phone just dey twenty percentage, na love sha…. My brother no even follow me talk, em waka go outside go side down.
One guy wey dey live near the house close to the barbing salon come dey gist us.

Guy: to fu-ck dey easy oh, with one plate of food you don fu-cl some girls wey dey this area.

Me: how na? *that topic sweet me, I swear*

Guy: one of my guy wey get keke napep, carry one babe for night reach this area. Em come ask the babe say make em pay, the babe say em no get money, em charges am na but the babe tell am say if em give am food she godey give am fu-ck.

Victory: if you see hunger wey dey this citu, you go know say joy nodey at all.

Me: hope say your guy no fall em hands.

Guy: the guy yansh am na, she dey even lap am everyday to receive fu-ck.

Me: the guy own don better.

Guy: women like porn pass men I swear.

Victory: you be experienced nigga oh.

Guy: you no know? One day I dey play porn, I come sleep.. I no know say I don keep the door slightly open, one woman wey dey live with her husband come fine me, to tell me something.

Me: hiaa! Married woman wey dey see fu-ck everyday?

Guy: dey there… She come knock come open the door, dey see me dey sleep and the po-rn dey play. The woman stand dey watch po-rn oh.

Me: how you come see am if you dey sleep?

Victory: ask am oh!

Guy: I wake up na, I come ask am w€tin she dey fine… She say my forget, she come waka go to go collect w€tin the babe dey collect for tv from her husband.

I come hear the barber voice from inside.

Barber: make ona come commot ona phones oh, I wan close…

I nearly cry, I wan rush go inside to plug small.. But the barber don start to dey sweep and I no even know say I don pass the babe already.

Double wahala for deady body, I rush go outside to see the babe dey waka go for road with her friend after I don commot the charger for light na.

As I reach were she dey.

Me: hey my friend.

She turn come look me.

Fine girl: how may I help you?

Me: is me, that help you with charger.

Fine girl: and so? Do I know you.

Shame shock me like electricity, whg Naija babes nodey like mr.nice guy na?
O boy shame catch me, if I say shame no catch me I dey lie. I look the babe look myself, all the years of my experience as player I never jam Barcelona for derby wey strong like this.
My mind just go tabula rasa, that time my phone come ring. God help me say na my Iphone 6 come ring sha… The ringing tone come give me vibes, if to say na my Itel S32 ring. The shame for dey like wind wey dey blow human being commot from ground.

I come bring out my phone come set like big boy.

Me: excuse me lemme pick this important call.

I see the caller I.D na my mumu twin brother dey even call sef, I quickly picked the call and placed on my ear.

Me: you don send the 50k? I no wan hear story.

Victory: which…

Me: I just received the alert as we are talking.

Victory: no problem, nice doing business with you *my bro come get the scoop*

Me: thank you.

I ended the call and pocket my phone, I gave a heart warming smile to the girl and her friend.

Me: I was thinking you are the one that I can spend on and make mine, it seems like am wrong.

I come turn like all those actor wey don do em enemies better damage and waka dey go.
I strolled away.. I never waka go far when somebody dey come me from behind.
I looked back and saw the girl I gave my charger earlier looking sorry.

Me: hope say no wahala.

Girl: not at all, no vex… I think say you be one of those useless boys wey dey stay for this area.

Me: *na my turn to form na* oh!

Girl: am sorry, am Victoria.. What is your name?

Me: we be perfect match oh! my missing rib ’cause my name na Victor.

Victoria: *blushing* you pack in this area new?

Me: yes, just a week. I just come do small work for that company *her head turn*

Victoria: nice, can I have your number? lets be friends.

Me: no problem.

We exchanged numbers, my mumu brother no even gree me rest with calls.
The babe come peck me before saying goodnight, her yansh na collateral damage. If I no chop this girl with doggystyle I no go gree oh, my brother called again. I quickly picked the call..

Me: guy, I be your wife?

Victory: where you dey, I wan enter house oh.

Me: I dey waka come the barber place, no move oh.

I ended the call and rushed to the barber’s salon and find my twin brother standing at the front of the barber’s shop.

Victory: ashewo.

Me: your second name.

Victory: make we dey go jare.

I no blame am, we waka go house. Light no even dey, thank God say we don fill one drum we dey use cook for inside kitchen. We bought indomie that is what we wanted to eat that night, we nodey in the mood of cooking that night.

I really need a wife oh! shebi? The one wey godey service me and cook for me till I find my real wife, no water for bathing.
I carried my bucket and my brother carried his own, this yard na wahala oh! the tank dey leak water as if em dey cu-m.

When we got out of the gate their are few people by the tap, a woman and two small boys. Luckily I met Oniobong there and I greeted her, and got closer.
She don already fetch her two buckets finish.

Oniobong: you wan fetch water?

Me: no, I come marry you.

Oniobong: clean your mouth. *I laugh*

Me: only you wan carry the two buckets.

Oniobong: yes na, you wan help me.

Me: yes na, but you go come my birthday party for my house tomorrow oh.

Oniobong: no problem, I go come. Oya help me.

I helped her and carried the bucket of water to her house while coming back my brother was already jacking my own and his, he dropped on the ground and stared at me.

Victory: which day mama born you February fifth wey nobody know?

To Be Continued….. . . .

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