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Episode 99.

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Which kind school dey allow all these small pikin dey discuss about their moms and dads? ehnn… This shouldn’t be allowed to go on in such academic environment to prevent unsaid things. Children are very curious and inquisitive, reading pessimistic meanings to things.

See this small girl dey talk say make I sleep for her right and her mother at her left, she go just ’cause wahala.
Profit’s child: not so mommy?!
Profit: Johanna…
The little girl tugged on my clothe again, I go flog this small pikin cane oh. When we were small, we dey flee when they mention our papa is around but now the fear of father has left that name, no regard again. I go just knock this girl head.
Johanna: *tears threatening* please daddy.. daddy na.
Me: go sleep, I go come join you later.
Johanna: I love you daddy *kiss me on my nose* I love you mommy *kiss her on her cheek*
Profit: let me take you in.
At least she didn’t object or wanted me to do it, I for just carry her and rushed her inside then give am Batista Finishing.
The little girl was full of life that I even took pity on her, I brought out my phone to check if Veronica has called alas no call from her.
I dialed Anderson number, I was yet to call him about tomorrow arrangement for the next rally. I can’t run for ever, home am coming. The phone rang and my heartbeats like drum, I felt like hours when it was barely seconds.
Anderson’s voice: my own Honourable, this one you call this time. You don dey turn politician small small.
Me: you don arrange for tomorrow rally?
Anderson’s voice: you never ask me to, I no wan dey do busy body again.
Me: which one be business body again?
Anderson’s voice: I no get manhood again.
Me: what do you say?
Anderson’s voice: missing manhood.
Me: no forget to arrange, na my village we dey go. Ehnn.. Make sure say you get the NEPA man number, we go see tomorrow.

I hung up without waiting for his response, which one is missing manhood? This boy will not have sense. I was still thinking of my decision to return home.
Profit: what are you thinking? *she startle me*
Me: heaven.
She got the humour and laughed, then sat on the sofa looking as enticing as the finest of Creator’s creature.
Me: who be her father?
Profit: *she examine me for minute* I don’t know.
Me: *I be wan laugh* you be the new Mary?
Profit: not really, things just happened.
Me: first happened, second happened, third happened. Just tell me all things that happened.
Profit: are you scared? *who no go fear ehnn?*
Me: no na, of who kwanu? *prevention is better than cure*
Profit: I was young when it happened, I don’t even know him and then Johanna happened.
The happened turned the whole story to something else, I almost slept off before she finished the second happen. I don dey yawn to hug my bed, she took me up and I showered.
She handed pyjama that I wore for the night and I disappeared into the visitor’s bathroom, I bath finish come out and saw her sitting on the bed.
I entered bathroom back because na towel I been dey wear, I put all the whole armour against fornication and came out after drilling my di-ck. You never can trust that little man that has no eyes.
She took me to the master bedroom and the King Size bed was spacious enough, Johanna was sleeping soundly. Such a cute child, I lay on her right side and her mother on her left. As I dropped for bed I took off to England.

I felt a hand moving on my face and something was been pressed to my face, it felt strange and unusual. I opened my eyes and the blurring images began making sense. Johanna was sitting on me with a pencil on her head, I closed my eyes.
I heard when the door opened and Profit must have stepped in.
Profit: sweetheart, what are you doing with your daddy? *I open my eyes*
Johanna: see now, mommy he is awake. Daddy, wait let me finish your make-up.
Which one is make up again? A smile glued to Profit’s face as she stared at us.
I just lay there without knowing what the kid was upto.
She got up and jumped happily on the bed with her neatly ironed uniform, cheering happily.
Johanna: yaaaa! am done!! daddy, you look beautiful with your make up on.
Me: make up? Wetin be make up?
Profit: Johanna, come and have your breakfast so that your daddy and I will take you to School.
Johanna: yes, mommy. Daddy, you owe me big love for making you look more handsome.
Profit seemed to overly smiling that morning or forcing herself not to laugh, because the whole her lips spread on her face made her resemble Adamawa cow. She gave me sign to head to the bathroom, I went inside for bath.
She has prepared everything and even marvelled how my tooth-brush, tooth-paste, and the clothes I wore last night have undergo washing. I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn’t recognize the masquerade that I was seeing.
Holy ghost!
I nearly didn’t want to leave that bathroom, after breakfast we headed to the car.
Johanna: daddy, are you the one driving?
Me: no, your mommy will.
Profit: *smiling* no problem.
Johanna: are you sure daddy?, mom is an asphalt.
I no know the meaning until she eased the car out of the compound and did one crazy cut around a junction, and then sped off overtaking some cars, keke, trailer…
Me: biko… Slow down!
Johanna: *clapping and cheering* faster mommy, yeaaaa!!

This small pikin no know wetin she mean, faster to where? The fast is already sending death signal. We almost hit a trailer but she did an expert dodge and we were rewarded with curses.
Me: am the only person left in my family, abeg no speed again.
Johanna: daddy, don’t be scared.
You want my knock your head? I shouldn’t be scared when ona wan kill me? Make I no fear death at this my tender age?
I pulled out my phone and called Ugochukwu, who picked sharp sharp.
Me: guy, abeg help me write my wills.
Ugochukwu’s voice: which will?
Me: because somebody wan kill me.
Ugochukwu’s voice: no be first time, help me greet my grandmother there.
He hung up and the car came to a halt close to a gate, I was the first to jump down.
Before Profit dropped Johanna on the ground, I was panting and sweating.

Na near life and death experience be that oh, my phone rang and Anderson was the caller. I picked.
Anderson’s voice: Honourable talk and do, there is fire on the mountain.
Me: which of the mountain? Na Everest or which one?
Anderson’s voice: your yard oh.
Me: who carry my yard go mountain?
Anderson’s voice: old soldier don return.
Me: which old soldier again na?
Anderson’s voice: the one wey you know.
Me: tell Rufus to allow am make em live with am, ask Rufus to call me.
Profit came out of the gate and asked me to join her, I thanked her for the suicidal ride and headed in search of bus to get to my destination, she came down and stopped me from going further.
Profit: *smiling and grinning, madness* I thought you are a man.
Me: until you turned me into a woman.

To Be Continued…. . . .

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