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Episode 34.

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I knew he had got along with this news, what I didn’t know is how and from who. I wanted to confuse my enemy, I started laughing like a mad man and fell on my bed rolling and laughing so hard that tears nearly dropped from my eyes.
Me: enjoy your wife? *hahahas* how I go enjoy your wife? she be jollof rice or na fried rice you marry as wife wey I go enjoy am?
Akpan: *seem confuse* m..y my… *he smile knowingly* you know say I get big love for you, you don help me sotay I come dey wonder whether you be my brother, you even give me three Months grace when I no get money to pay.
Me: all these your tory na true, I no understand why you come dey tell me all these things?
Akpan: em get one man wey marry for my village, him and wife come go city, three years later the woman die *my eyes bulge* you know wetin kill am?
Me: *I shrug* iffa know wetin kill am I for nodey listen to the story, Calabar.
Akpan: *he clears his throat* the woman dey knack with the gate man ’cause her husband get pim pim but the gateman get ogbogidi in between his legs, as them dey knack gateman die and wife die, na later the man come go find out why them dey die… em come know say em wife dey cheat on am, for our village any married woman wey sleep with man apart from her husband. The man go die before seven days if em no go do cleansing.
Me: *fear hold me* hahahahas… This your story go go well for nollywood oh! if you package go give them, the drama go win an award.
Akpan: I don tell you wetin bring me, I wan go eat my wife don prepare my favorite.

He got up and left my room, immediately everything started spinning my room walls started coming together to squeeze life out me, my palms became sweaty and I felt it shaking.
Beads of sweats started forming on my forehead, I felt feverish all of a sudden.
Me: hope say this guy die lie oh, chiaa… I too young to die.


I no come dey think straight again as I start to think zigzag, I come dey wonder if na that particular day I go die or another day, I carried a chair to the frontage and sat on the verandah to think out a way from the mess wey I go put myself.
Before Kelly waka come with em wahala, the guy like bet9ja pass em life, I even hear say em dey sell shirt wey em don buy from market, second hand.
Kelly: youngest landlord, over conscious landlord, man wey sabi the thing. See business dey ground, as I dey tell you like this, them don write our name as millionaires for heaven.
Me: *i come look am first, even wear one short wey don tear* you sure say heaven never start to make mistake, which business wey you wan do wey go make you millionaires.
Kelly: you know say my grandmother na tight chief priestess, she dey even turn goat to money, dey turn human being to goat. Anybody wey hear my family name them go run, you know Dangote? *i nod* na my mama make am rich like that.
Me: *that one make me open my mouth* wait… Wait… Calm down, your granny fit do all these things na ona poor even to feed na wahala?
Kelly: na now you come… Good question, my mama and papa no gree continue the legacy, my grandmother come see say we don too suffer, as I dey waka for road she appear give me this paper?

I took the piece paper he stretched to me, I come dey see Juventus over 2.5, manchester to win, Barcelona 1|1.
Me: iffa hear you well, you tell me say your mother na chief priestess.. You know tell me say she dey coach or na footballer.
Kelly: good question, you see that man friend Fred win 5million last Month. naso my grandmother gather all these sure games from her grave come give me.
He was explaining when we saw Tony approaching with speed, that guy suppose to be crown chief trekker. Em dey commot for early mormor waka round PH come house, any place you no know ask Engineer Tony.
Kelly: hiaa! Toyechukuw, no tell me say you trek from Agip come here oh.
Tony: do I look like your wretched father, well… If you need money to better your life or use for transportation ask nicely and I will give it to you.
Kelly: engineer Tony! I need oh!! na God bring you, see sure game. Just help my life with one thousand naira.
Tony dropped the bag he hung on his shoulder, I think say em wan bring out money. The guy bring out cheque book, na wa oh! for one thousand naira too?

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I carry my chair and myself enter room before Kelly go start to beg me, he later knocked sha… But i no answer, the next morning I wake early to reason my life.
I started and my family picture, my papa and mama with me for the portrait.
I carry come down come dey reason my life.
Me: when person hustle don ready like pot of egusi soup, devil go put too many pepper. Man don hustle too feed, person p—k godey hustle pass am to chop the money. why everything for this country harsh? na so person godey jump from fire to boil palm oil…
Suddenly two people pounced on my door say them dey knock.
Me: wetin happen again?
I heard loud voices behind the door, person nofit get peace for em own yard.

To Be Continued…. . . .

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